I Thought I Was Autistic. I Was Wrong.

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Personal essay by a writer who believed they were autistic but later concluded that diagnosis was incorrect, exploring identity and experience.

I Thought I Was Autistic. I Was Wrong.

In 2019, I was 30 years old, living in Los Angeles, sharing an apartment with my two cats, and working remotely as an artist. Most of the people my age I knew at the time were setting down roots: getting married, building families. Meanwhile, I spent almost all my time alone, surrounded by plants, animals, and murals. I had no desire for anything else. I enjoyed having a space where I could keep the world, and other people, at a manageable distance.This had been the case for most of my life. From childhood on, I struggled to make friends, which took a toll on my self-worth. By adolescence, my mental health had deteriorated, and I spent close to a year cycling through multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, outpatient programs, and group homes for depression and self-harm. At age 15, I was groomed online by a much older man, culminating in a traumatic sexual assault. Immediately afterward I tried to end my life, then spent a year in a youth residential treatment center in Utah.Continue Reading The Free PressTo support our journalism, and unlock all of our investigative stories and provocative commentary about the world as it actually is, subscribe below.Annual$8.33/monthBilled as $100 yearlyMonthly$10/monthBilled as $10 monthlyAlready have an account?Sign In

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